Audacious August Author: Post 6!!!

Hey everyone!! Here is post number 6!  Sorry I haven't been posting as often, school has just started and things have gotten busy.  I will try to post as much as I can on the weekends, however.  Thanks for sticking with me!

Sunday

Chapter Five

            A loud, resounding knock bellowed through the house, almost as if it was empty.  Nana, however, was on her reclined armchair in front of the cracked TV, weeping over a soap opera, a plate of lunch beside her.  A half-eaten, wheat BLT sat on the blue plate, next to a pile of yellow crumbs from her potato chips.  Her glass of iced tea sat on the side table next to her.

            I, on the other hand, was cleaning up the kitchen, doing my laundry, and trying to get Nana’s dinosaur computer to load my history homework resource website.  When I heard the knock, I gave an open patch of counter one last swipe, threw the rest of my laundry from the washer into the dryer, and kicked the hard drive of the computer.  Then I hurried to the door and found Alice and Charles awaiting me.

            Alice was wearing a baby blue dress with tank top straps and a pair of navy blue flats.  Her ringlet hair was tied back in a blue bow, a few ringlets spilling over her shoulders.

            Charles was wearing a pair of tan slacks and a plaid shirt.  He looked happy to see me.

            “Ready to go?  We were thinking a movie,”  Alice piped up, smiling.  I looked back at Nana who hadn’t heard the knock and then back at my friends.  Nana had said not to hang out with Charles…but what if I was hanging out with Alice and Charles just happened to come along?  I tossed the dish towel on the couch and darted to my room.  I shoved my feet into their sneakers, grabbed a wool jacket, and dug through my wallets to come up with a few dollar bills.

            “Bye Nana,”  I said, kissing her on the cheek.  “Going out with Alice.”  Nana barely looked up at me, but limply waved and refocused her attention on the split screen.

Walking down the street, the refreshing afternoon air flooded my senses and the happiness of being able to have some me time got all up in my head.

            “I’m so glad you could finally come,”  Alice chattered on, bouncing next to me and Charles.

            “Where should we go?”  Charles asked.

            “We could go to the theater for a movie or we could get a bite to eat,”  Alice suggested.

            “I just ate,”  Charles commented.

            “Hey!  Let’s go to that club Ms. Callick was seen at last week,”  Alice joked.

            “Club?!  Ms. Callick was at a club?!”  I responded.  Ms. Callick was our science teacher, uptight and boring.

            “Yeah!  It was so funny because…”

I slipped into the house around five o’clock in the afternoon, full of sweets, a good movie on my mind, and zero dollars in my pocket.  I had had a good afternoon, if I could just get through Nana, all would be good.

            I kicked off my shoes and slid out of my jacket as I tip toed to my bedroom.  Putting away my things, I smoothed down my hair and walked into the kitchen, but Nana wasn’t there.  I poked my head towards the back screen door and slyly looked through the mesh material on the door.  There was Nana again, but she wasn’t just standing looking at her garden.  Nana was on her knees by her broken down, unkempt vegetable garden, with a rusty hand shovel clutched in her hand.  Nana was in black sweat pants and a long white pajama top.  A yellow headband swooped up her head, catching beads of sweat that dripped.

            I watched in amazement as I saw Nana working.  She was excavating a hole and it looked like by the huge pile of dirt to the side, she had been doing so for a while.  Many little holes were dug in rows all around her garden, but it looked like with every new hole she dug, another hole started to fill up.

            I stepped out slowly, closing the door behind me.  I could see Nana breathing hard, obviously tired.  Quickly, I returned to the house and filled a tall glass with ice cold water.  I carefully brought it back outside and approached Nana.

            “Nana?”  I piped up, holding the glass.  Nana whirled around, flinging dirt as she went.  Dodging the flying dirt, I smiled at Nana.

            “Hell,”  Nana gruffly growled.

            “It looks good out here,”  I commented, setting down the glass of water to help Nana up on her feet.

            “Don’t you dare,”  Nana snapped.  “Don’t you lie for me.  This looks like hell and you god damn know it.”  Nana chucking the reddish brown shovel in the vegetable garden and jugging the water.

            “Nana, really!”  I said, laughing.  Nana glared at me as she drank her water, but I could tell her eyes loosening up and lighting up.

            “The holes…”  I started.  “They look…dug.”  I snorted before I began laughing with no end.  Nana put down her glass and crinkled her nose at me.  Her lips formed a tight smile and she snickered to herself a little, then looked at her work, and laughed a lot.  And we just stood there, laughing and looking at the pathetic yard we were in.

            “Do you want to fix it up?”  I asked soberly.

            “Tammy, there’s no way.  This yard is what it is.  I tried, but look at me…”

            “But, I could help you, Nana—“ I tried, hoping this would motivate Nana to get back up and going.  Nana waved me away though.

            “No, Tammy,”  she said firmly.  “It’s a lost hope.  Go on in.”

            “Nana, I really think—“

            “Hell, Tammy!”  Nana snapped.  “Go inside, we aren’t fixing up any yard or doing any…any home improvement.  You damn well know I’m not capable of anything these days.”  Something had struck her.  I opened my mouth to say something but Nana gave me a pointed look and held up her wrinkled hand.  She pointed to the screen door.  I turned and went inside, hearing Nana’s slow, heavy footsteps behind me.

            “Where were you this afternoon?”  Nana asked gruffly, a bit of a distance behind me.

            “…with Alice.  I told you, remember?”  I replied, wincing at the thought of the conversation.  Not with the religion and marriage talk again.

            “I remember,”  Nana growled, noisily shutting the screen door. I could hear her panting.  The walk must have been hard for her.

            “Nana, do want some water?”  I questioned, turning around to see the exhausted Nana.  Usually, Nana would stand right by the door, not all the way by the vegetable garden.  The walk was longer than Nana was use to.

            It was then did I realize how much of a jam Nana was in.  She was deteriorating, but her life wasn’t.  Life was moving and changing too fast for Nana to catch up and then, Nana was left behind without a rope to grab hold to.

            I would help her.  I would help Nana to catch up with her fast-moving life.  Teach her to cook, fix up her garden, get her a membership to the Rec Center gym, take yoga classes with her, teach her to paint, register classes for her at the nearby senior home, and maybe even set up an online dating profile for her.  Nana would be so much happier if she could do things and be with people beside herself and me.  I knew it.  I mean, who wouldn’t want all that anyway?  It wouldn’t be that hard, anyway.  If Nana wanted it enough, which she would, Nana would be renewed in no time.

            I started to tell Nana my idea, when her own words cut at mine.

            “I told you, you couldn’t be with Charles anymore,”  Nana stated adamantly, looking me fiercely in the eyes.

            “I said I was with Alice…”  I half-told-the-truth.

            “But you were with Charles, as well,”  Nana responded, hobbling over to the living room.

            “How did you know?  You weren’t even facing the door,”  I protested.

            “Tammy, I know you would more likely lie to me about who you were hanging out with than tell someone you couldn’t hang out with them anymore,”  Nana said, placing herself in the center of the sofa by the cracked TV.

            “So you understand.  You understand that I can’t just break off a friendship with someone that I’ve had since elementary school because of…religion,”  I returned, happy where the conversation was going.

            “I understand, but I still don’t approve or agree,”  Nana said, reaching for the remote.  “Damn, I wish the tornado hadn’t cracked the television.”  I bit my lips and hid my face in case they would give me away.  Nana had never asked about the TV, so why would I tell her I kicked it and broke it?  I might as well just avoid another argument, right?

            “Why don’t you like Christian people?”  I pressed, meshing my mouth.

            “I never said I don’t like Christian people,”  Nana replied calmly, flipping through the channels.

            “Then why won’t you let me hang out with Charles?”  I snapped.

            “Hanging out with boys of different religions is dangerous to family conflict,”  Nana responded.

            “That’s ridiculous!”  I snorted, baffled.

            “I would know, Tammy.  Pop was Christian before we got married and…you know what?  I don’t need to explain to you, Tammy.  What I say, goes,”  Nana replied firmly.

            “You aren’t Ma,”  I replied, quietly, hoping she wouldn’t hear.

            “Excuse me?”  With no avail.

            “You aren’t Ma or Pa,”  I replied, suddenly getting angry.  Why couldn’t I hang out with who I wanted?  Times were different than when Nana was dating.  I could do what I wanted!

            “Nana,”  I began, “Charles is my friend.  He has been for years and he’s always been there for me.  He takes vocal lessons just like me, we have things in common.  We probably won’t get married, in most minds that know us as friends, would think of the possible idea as twisted and almost wrong, actually.  Charles and Alice and I are all friends, therefore, Nana….” I took a deep breath, awaiting the wrath that would follow my comment.

            “What’s that, Tammy?”  Nana asked, mocking me.

            “You can’t tell me what to do.”  I shut my eyes closed and sucked in a giant breath that stopped up my nose for a little.  When I didn’t hear a noise, I opened one eye and squinted at Nana.  She was looking at and fingering the remote.  She looked soundlessly mad.

            “Nana?”  I asked after a few good moments had passed.

            “I took you in, Tammy.  You had no where else to go,”  Nana replied softly with punch to the end of her words.

            “I had no choice,”  I said.  “I don’t want to be here, anyway.”  Nana’s head snapped up and she looked at me closely, no anger tinted in her eyes.  Curiosity, it seemed.

            “You don’t?”  Nana asked incredulously.

            “No,”  I began once more, seeing that I had her in my grip.  “You have kept me from a lot of things these last month or so.  I’m falling behind in painting class because I haven’t finished paintings.  Why?  Because I’m running around doing your tireless errands day and night.  Then, I don’t practice any of my voice assignments because you can’t hear the TV when I do.  So, you know where I sing?  While I’m walking to get you Bacon Pockets,”  I spat.  I realized what I had said.  The anger that I felt that had been kept in me for a while, whether it was because I had no parents or if it was because Nana kept me slaving around for her all the time, or even a combination of both, I didn’t know.  But I knew it felt good to let it out.

            It seemed that all ideas about helping and advancing Nana through life had slipped from my mind.  She obviously didn’t welcome new ideas or changes well.  Nana was rooted in the past.  She could stay there for all I cared.

            “Well,”  Nana choked, stretching her neck and looking at the remote.  “I, uh…didn’t think living with me would be such a burden, but maybe…that’s why I…um…don’t get out much.”  Suddenly feelings of regret which I knew I would eventually have flooded my brain and body.

            “Nana, I didn’t mean—“      

            “No,”   Nana interrupted, pumping up the TV volume.  “You’re right, honey.  I need to be less high-maintenance.”

            “Nana…I’m sorry—“

            “Don’t you need to catch up on your paintings?”  Nana cut me off again, turning towards the window.  I sighed, feeling awful.  I turned and went to my room.

            In my room, I sat at my desk, my head down on the top.  Out of nowhere then, the world seemed to collapse.  The once in a while feeling of claustrophobia grabbed my throat and my head began to throb.  I didn’t know why, all I knew was that it hurt and I felt dizzy.  I yanked my head up, punched the books to my right to the floor, and relished the moment where the sound of their slamming drop echoed through my room.  I hoped Nana heard it.  I hoped Ma and Pa heard it.  I hoped Tornado Kylie heard it loud and clear.

            “Nana, let me help you with those peas,”  I said, coming up behind Nana and taking the hot bowl of cooked peas from her mitted hands.

            “Don’t patronize me, Tammy,”  Nana barked, grabbing the peas back from me and sliding them onto the wooden table.

            “I wasn’t,”  I protested, catching a few of the lingering peas that tumbled out of the bowl.  “You looked like you needed help.”  Nana didn’t say anything, but sat down at her usual spot at the table and dished some food from the selection sitting at the table.

            While I was in my room, lamenting and agonizing, Nana had been out in the kitchen for a whole hour, heating up a Mara Cassider dinner pouch and a bag of peas.  In the whole hour it had taken her to do that, the table wasn’t set, and the packages were not even thrown out.  When I came out of my room to make dinner and saw that Nana was already attempting to do so, I began to quiz her.  How long did it take?  What are you making?  How could you read the directions without glasses?  And Nana had answers.  An hour.  Peas and packaged chicken and rice.  I guessed on the directions.

            The dinner was silent and awkward.  We hadn’t said anything to each other for the whole day after our impasse.

            “I have painting class on Tuesday, Nana,”  I tried, hoping something could be resolved.  I was angry, but maddening silence bothered me more than anything.

            “Fine.”  She didn’t look at me, she stabbed the still half-frozen peas with her unwashed fork.

            “What are you going to do tomorrow?”  I tried again.

            “I don’t know.”  Nana’s words were clipped and curt.

            “Can we talk about something, Nana?”  I persisted, almost begging that time.

            “About?”

            “I don’t know!”  I whined.  “We always talk at dinner.  It’s weird.”

            “Why don’t you tell that to your unfinished paintings and tired feet from working for me all the time.”

            “Nana, it came out wrong,”  I said.  “I’m not over Ma and Pa yet, you know, and…my anger and sadness comes out in all different ways.  This time, out on you.  I’m sorry,”  I explained.

            “You’re lying,”  Nana accused me, looking up from her plate.  Her beady black eyes narrowed in on my face.  “This was completely different, a whole different issue.  You may not see Charles.  He is Christian, you are Jewish.  Getting involved with religious men who don’t share your same beliefs can cause you to be…oh, I don’t know!  Disowned?  Left nothing?  Neglected?”  I listened in amazement at Nana’s rant.  She was talking from her heart now, from her own experience.

            “But, I‘m not religious myself,”  I said.

            “But he is!  And that is all that matters.  If you get involved with Charles, I will not disown you, but what if Charles’ family disowns him?  You will be the cause and, believe me child, you do not want that on your shoulders.”  I could hear Nana’s heavy, panting breaths.

            “Did something like that happen to you and Pop?”  I quietly asked.  I stared down at my plate, hoping for an answer and not an outburst.

            “That isn’t your business,”  Nana snapped softly.

            “Why isn’t it?”  I asked, finding myself urging and yearning to know.

            “It just isn’t.  Do the dishes, won’t you?”  Nana replied.  “Don’t go shopping tomorrow, by the way.  I got my home delivery grocery truck to start coming here again.”

            Sighing, I said, “Nana, I don’t mind shopping for you.”

            “Doesn’t matter, I’ve already reordered for it.  That way tomorrow, you can catch up on your paintings for class on Tuesday.  If the dishes aren’t too much to ask of you right now, would you just do them?”  Nana responded, getting up from the table and heading towards the hall.

            “You aren’t going to watch TV?”  I questioned, cleaning up my dish and Nana’s.

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                Maddie :)